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Photo credit: Freedigitalphotos.net

Photo credit: Freedigitalphotos.net

I know there are times in life when everything seems bleak and tomorrow holds nothing but fear and apprehension. I also know there are two ways of looking at life; negative and positive. I have found myself so many times confronted with situations which not only overwhelm, but leave me almost breathless. I never could see beyond the present. Tomorrow always did come and I have lived through dire times and eventually the situation does reach its peak, but never breaks me.

Lately I am beginning to learn a new side of life—the shaded area. An area often dreaded and hardly embraced, but surely the right path to take. I have learnt not to be afraid to walk this path. I know my flaws are many, and in my heart I harbor incidents and occurrences, which I am yet to find the courage to voice to any living soul. I have questioned, judged and condemned myself as guilty and for years I have struggled to live with this judgment.

I have discovered that everything is not so dark after all. Better still, as long as I have life and live see each day, my chances of living, instead of existing, increases. I have cried many lonely tears, even in the midst of love and support, but I’m slowly realizing my healing can only come when I stare truth and honesty in the face: accepting myself the way that I am…flawed and human.

There is no hope in promises and declarations; no reason to uphold a longing and illusion of what I yearn for, while what I yearn for is at variance with my true self and beliefs. Wisdom therefore, is slowly seeping into my psyche and subconscious and I am feeling alive gradually.

Love is a beautiful thing, but I must understand love in its entirety.

Love in its entirety does not evoke or induce agony. It may stir pain, but that pain is a pathway towards understanding it. Love teaches wholesomeness, and must be practiced and lived daily, regardless of circumstance.

Love reduces the ego of self and promotes the comfort and tolerance of the others. Love does not seek truth, because love is truth. But truth differs for different people, for various reasons. However, love does demand honesty. I find these new realizations a tad overwhelming, but they are helping me chart a course to a better enriched and fulfilled life.

Emotional maturity comes with a price, that price is brutal honesty. This is the stuff true diehard love-freaks are made of, permitting me to see my life in rather clear colors and now I find love somewhat depressing! Lol.
Growing up is tough and is taking its toll on me, but in the end I’ll thank myself for having enough love and courage to accept that I deserve nothing but the best of everything. I mean it in every sense of the word without ambiguity or regret.

That which my heart longs for the most, is also that which I must be willing to let go of, if it’s ever to be mine. Nothing physical should be powerful enough that it consumes me to the point that I become negatively, distracted, not even LOVE!

So I accept this new growth, while I expect more change and enlightenment, because the idea is to move one level ahead, once the reason for my lack or loss is overcome. In other words, I am because of love, and now I must portray love as superior over all else.

I finally realizing that no one else but me is responsible for my happiness, jolted me. it also defined my very existence since I became an adult responsible for my words and actions. It’s a humbling feeling and it’s also calming at the same time, knowing that anxiety and restlessness have disappeared even though nothing in my life has physically changed or become better, rather there has been a shift in my rationale. Most people in life think in the here and now and why not? After all one can only attest to the physical things the mind and body is able to feel, touch, hear and taste.

There is however an entirely different existence many people would rather not acknowledge; many times those who do are either ridiculed or laughed to a scorn. This path I find myself on, leans far too much towards that ridiculed existence. A world where many times you don’t have the physical evidence to prove things which you know to be truth and whole—but you still manage to find the right words and examples to use to clarify your notions or behavior.

Like this ridiculed existence, love hovers in that interim of evidence. Many believe the showing is in the proof; but this in my opinion and understanding does not ring true with Love.
Love shown is many times real and good enough, but what happens when spirits fall and hearts are broken? What happens when the sunlight in the love fades and all that is left is a memory of either what was good or the agony of pain and regrets?

This is where this other existence comes into play. The realization that love remains and continues as long as the heart is willing to allow it foster. The affections and affiliations attached to a person or object might be dimmed, but love itself lives on. This is the rare quality which love alone possesses. It’s like a tap root of some sort, that becomes shriveled after a drought and without life. Cut it out and put in the ground again and in a while it blooms once more.

These are my acknowledgements in my new-found realizations that the very essence of life is in the unseen. When the thought fosters and the eagerness to hold on to it quickens, then nothing can dull the willing spirit.

I’m learning to live with my imperfections and welcome them as part and parcel of me. I’m beginning to see them not as evil, but reasons why the good in me is seen clearly. Together with all that is me, we live in this physical flesh and slowly, it too no longer has the zeal to overwhelm me. Like the two faces of God, my good and flawed self, live in harmony and if any conflicts do arise; I deal with it. I no longer have the attitude of divide and conquer. If I cut away the foot because my big toe hurts, what becomes of the rest of me that is reliant upon that foot to work? Or perhaps not just cutting the foot, how about I cut off the big toe?

In order words, there is no reason to go to that extreme…whatever be the case, the body bears its afflictions until such a time it deems it can no longer bear, then the consequences of actions are welcome without remorse.

I am because of love…Love thought me out, love made me, love nurtured me, love groomed and carved me out. This same love lives in me and will continue even after I’m long gone.