Good health is often taken for granted, and we oftentimes forget just how fragile both the human spirit and body can be when faced with situations which overwhelms it. I have been so many sizes and shapes in my life, and I have even enjoyed the odd pleasure of getting to that point of complete satisfaction with my physical appearance, but never have I been at that place where you worry or fear for yourself, that is until recent months.
The irony is that even at my heaviest and what medical science would consider worrying, I was of perfect health; never had the blood pressure worries or cholesterol this or that. I finally arrived at that place where I felt it was all finally coming together. There were no health issues or weight issues; in fact I was at my best weight ever. The thing with stress is that you really don’t see it coming; it just creeps up on you. In fact you will often find that you are constantly defending yourself to others, trying to convince them that you felt no stress at all; but in all that while, that little monster is gaining on you.
That was typical of my case, next thing I know, I’m having these headaches that feel as though my head is being pumped full of air like a balloon, my eye balls are struggling to escape from their sockets and my ear drums pounding like someone is having a party right on them. I’m thinking, oh dear Lord I’m having a brain tumor, I’m surely going to die!
The only solution was my bed and a darkened room; the odd ice pack, both on my head and at the back of my neck. That got me through the weekend and come Monday first thing, I’m at the doctors and to my surprise, she diagnoses Migraines!
Surely it had to be something else, are you sure? I asked her in amazement. Migraines do not make you wish you were dead one minute, making promises and bargains with your maker the next. Are you sure it’s not more serious? It was then I got my low down on this most intriguing illness. The very complicated nature of it and how it has various methods and very few solutions, but eventually, many sufferers do find what works for them.
My nightmare with pains and torture led me to two separate MRI’s, a couple of CT scans and a specialty visit to an ophthalmologist and a neurologist; and all these came to zero. Every test was conclusively normal, which in turn was a mixture of relief and frustrations because I still did not have the magic cure to what ailed me.
My quality of life became so affected that I could not work or be a mom to my children. Oh…before I forget, get this…sexual pleasure was also a trigger! Now how exactly can that be good? I came to a conclusion that this stress thing was a spirit and so had to be tackled from a spiritual angle; which then brought me to my present position. I began to pray as advised by my husband, a prayer of thanks. Thank you father for you are working on me. Thank you for my cells, nerves and organs are being remolded by you, and you have made me new.
Almost like a chant this became my mantra. I would visualize our Father Lord caressing my skull and massaging me and I would hold on to that image and imagine the sensations that went on in my head. The spiritual is strange, but in time the effects began to kick in.
I was in a hurry though, I could not wait to get up and go! The sound of every child’s laughter drew envy from me…as I walk through the store and see people about their business, I was filled with envy at the spring in their steps, or the careless abandon of the sound of their laugh.
My mom’s yawn, my sister loud voice chatting on her cell…even my little Elizabeth crying because she fell off her bike….all drew envy from me. I envied everyone with good health!
Funny uh? Used to be that I would quickly see that Gucci pumps, or that nice Michael Kors purse and think uh some people have all the luck. These days my focus is a far cry from that. There are days when I’m too weak to even get out of bed, and sometimes when I do…..the headaches lasts all day. I used to cry a lot….but now not so much; I just thank him for yet another good day. I wish I had enough strength to scream at the kids, or just get out to a movie with them; funny how things no longer seem like that big a deal anymore.
As for the headaches….the spirit will depart soon enough, just as it came, it will flee. I am just okay for the day…..so you see why I envy you, You and you.