It’s so scary out here as I make this journey all alone. I think back to those early days when we had unity and courage to thread uncharted grounds. The thrill was in the ignorance of not knowing where our journey would take us. I remember your words so clearly now…leap of faith you called it.
Look at you and me now, who has given up? You promised to be my all and in all. You lifted me so high and let go so that I could crash. Yes! You, you did it all. Why? Because I found a voice. You call it jaded, an illusion; a trick of my mind. Still, you have refused to prove or show me why it is so.
Do you remember the way you used to be? I always relied on your strength to carry me even through the roughest rides, and you always delivered me through. Now you dare push me away? I got accustomed to your style; you always wanted to do everything for me. You spoiled me and made me who I am today, and now you want to make like magic and disappear. Who said it’s my fault? How can you justify yourself in this blame that you now want to make completely mine?
Your will, your way and your time. Everything has to be just so and so. I have lived and witnessed my life in diverse ways and colors, only choosing to hold on to those images which give me joy. You call my joy an illusion, but refuse to lead me to clarity, or at least keep to your promises and words; that I will be the driver in my world.
When I’m permitted to love, to share, you sneak away from me and somehow manage to blame me for your absence. I can’t share you with another, but you said I had the freedom to grow, to choose. Why is my evolution suddenly a hindrance, because you suddenly lost control?
I’m not the same anymore and your ego is bruised? Ha! How ironic… and they say they are gods! Domination, total control and manipulation of my senses would ideally be to your satisfaction, but you see that you are caught in your own web! Claw out of this one, roar your way through it and let me see. Let me witness your might, oh great critic. Let’s see if your will bends like the rest of us.
Man or god which are you? The notion of duality mesmerizes you and in that fantasy you want only your truths told and known. Why do you fear so much to hear my voice? Perhaps stifling my version could cloud the apparent? The truth of the matter is that you are a coward, how dare I stand up to my mighty captor? A mere coward who sulks when the curtain falls.
As long as the outcome is not to your liking, and the scenes not played out as you willed or imagined, then we are all but fools in your eye.
The trudging is behind me now, having traveled through deserts, forests, moors and frost; I beheld calming springs in my horizon. That which invades you still holds you captive and frozen in fear seething in anger; you unleash your rage on me.
The moment of truth is here and I ask you still…freewill or bend?