How do you live an average life and convince yourself its okay? How is it possible to believe you are being fair by denying yourself a chance at real happiness? How dare you say those words to me, when the real meaning eludes you?
No matter how you have come to perfect your demeanor and your responses, you still cannot cheat your heart. Yes! That is your punishment for all the deceit and pretense.
Like an android you go about in your world of perfect falsehood. Who’s fooling who? They all see through you and laugh at you, because they think you see yourself as the martyr. They all but him, the one you say holds your heart. His words are sweet, filled with promises of bliss and eternal calm. They fall out freely without strain and hold you captive to his stay. This he does expertly, because he knows a secret about you. A secret which carries you to the depths of torment and twirls you around the wind of sorrow, all because you will not set your soul free.
Whoever told you this was right? From what is your conviction borne, of truth or guilt? I will not allow this anymore, no! I will not permit your doom.
How can you say that word LOVE? A word that brings peace and calm but which holds you prisoner in the depths of pain. Shackled to sorrow and bathed in despair, you trundle along lost in gloom. Perusing the cold embers of a dying farce, that which you deceive your mind is love.
In reality I live in shadows, a glimmer of light casts upon my brow. “You smile and light up my world,” “Stay,” you plead, “just for a while, so my heart can have its fill of the glow and the essence you give.”
My glow? No! You are wrong. The glow radiates from your heart, not mine. You keep me in the shadows of your world, claiming its all life has allowed you. Caught in two worlds of distinct opposites and too scared to make a stand.
I will not listen to your excuses and pleas, because they no longer make much sense to me. Why live for years in misery, when two or three of truth and honesty will give satisfaction and peace of mind? You have perfected the art of excuses and eloquence in defending this madness; after all said and done, you are still consumed with sorrow.
In your subconscious there’s no room for me, because your master conscience whips you with lashes of betrayal and your heart keeps reminding you that you are nothing but a traitor. So like a frightened child you give in to its commands and fling excuses at me. I’m supposed to be sympathetic to this situation, understanding as you put it…but please tell, how long are we going to live with this?
I have put everything before myself, and have lived years smiling even though my insides burn; keeping up appearances, being strong, while all I want to do is scream out in pain.
Surely this can’t be all there is? A life lived, buried in disappointment and regret.
I call this off! I’m moving ahead with or without you I’m going forward. There’s so much happiness in life, why have we wasted years clinging to sorrow? Is it because we are cowards without the strength or will, or power to rise above the impossible? Soar in the midst of threats, blackmail and uncertainties. We should have held on to hope, we should have jumped the hurdle of faith.
You have labeled me and cast me down the river, you who hold on to illusions of terror. You feel secure in that corner of your mind where reasoning is cast away and the windows nailed shut to keep clarity away.
I have screamed wake up calls, hurled shocking rebuttals and yet you have refused to budge; I am the guilty one and nothing will change that in your heart.
I write to tell you that these eyes are tired and my heart heavy from years of agony at watching you die slowly. I have allowed you drag me along so far, but I no longer have the strength to continue on this journey…so I take my bow here. I have left a trail so bright that you will not miss your way should you decide to follow.