Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh; the two becoming one, husband and wife they will be.
This is what many come to understand and believe as the union of marriage. There are many areas to explore in these simple lines. I in particular often wonder what two becoming one really means. To couples in a marriage, what does two become one mean to you? When are you separate from your spouse? Where does the line become drawn in this acceptance and what defines it for each person in their personal relationships?
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I do speak for myself here; from my understanding of these words, I cannot separate my religion from my faith; they go hand in hand. So what I am saying is that if you find as you read this that my views are not similar to yours, take is as differences in opinion.
I find marriage very interesting, exciting and downright pleasurable. When I finally married, I was happy for various reasons: I had found a best friend, confidant and brother. Yes! A brother, because in my case, I married someone I had known since I was almost fifteen years old.
Before marriage he knew all there was to know about me, whom I had kissed, touched and the ones I found outright gross! We worked well like that. I must say that I too knew him well. So marriage for me was a continuation of an adventure we both embarked upon, long before the I do’s came.
I have written a few things about my take on personality and individuality in the past, but lately, I have found myself bugged with this issue of separate manifestoes (In marriage of course). So began my quest to find out what others think and what we all see or classify as “two become one”. Do we have margins of what is acceptable or right? Where do we draw the line of perpetually being Siamese twins with our hubbies or wifeys?
This is about Chris and Manny. Christian and Amanda Torres are married. They graciously allowed me into their world for about one week and I came out humbled and more confused than before.
Theirs was a real story book thingy; high school sweethearts, both Catholics and both from good middle class families. Manny is the extrovert; vivacious, beautiful and incredibly very likable and popular. Chris on the other hand is quiet, gorgeous, even though he does not believe so, and more a home body. One would wonder how these two opposites came to be huh? Well you know the laws of attraction, eh? “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”
Everything according to them was fine, until two years into their marriage, according to Manny, Chris became weird. Manny was an idiot with technology, so everything about the internet Chris did for her. Online banking, setting up Facebook, emails etc. Prior to this she did everything the human way (her words, not mine).
In a strange turn of events, Manny took to the world wide web like a duck to water; she soon became the little expert herself and in the course of her new discoveries, opened new email accounts, new Facebook accounts and a blog page in her name with new passwords. This was when the problems began. Chris demanded to have access to these new accounts, but Manny said no!
She thought it was no big deal, but it was to Chris. He demanded to know why. Manny’s response was because they were her accounts and she did not want him to have access to them except when she lets him in herself.
He was outraged saying this was never a problem in the past. Why the change? What had suddenly changed? As a married couple he believed they should not have secrets from each other or accounts that neither of them could access.
Manny felt this was ridiculous and told him so. “This is what makes me different from you.” She had told him. “I can make choices which you may not necessarily like or approve of. I have to have this or I will no longer be me.”
Chris’ take was that, “Where was this you previously? If this is the real you, who was that person who used share things and not keep secrets? The only conclusion had to be that you have something to hide, else why now?”
In response Manny claims previously she was not clued on to how anything worked. But now that she does, she is free to do as she pleased.
This is where I need your feedback guys, where does the line become drawn between being an individual in a marriage? Is it possible to draw a distinction between married couples on issues like these?
Similarly, another couple’s demon was about company and friendships. A wife objected vehemently to certain friends her husband had. One such friend was a childhood friend. They had been friends since they were six years old.
Her complaint is that these friends of his did not get her and did not like her because her husband married outside their clique. But more importantly, some were married, some divorced and some single; they all had one thing in common. They were serial womanizers. As they drop one female they pick up another. Sometimes they date two women, unknown to each other simultaneously.
All this being true, her husband still says no to giving them up; specifically his childhood friend. What he has done is to keep him and them away from their home, believing that so long as they don’t come over to their home or be around her, everything is fine, except it is totally inevitable.
These two are crazy about each other, but he feels she should not and does not have the right to dictate who should or should not be his friend.
Her argument is that they come first as a couple and no one else should matter more than them. He says if she’s not mature or secure enough in their love and life, then what the heck was their vows all about?
His wife even went further to say that she does not believe either of them should keep or have friends of the opposite sex, who are single with the exception of someone they have both known or know for a long while who would and should become both their friends.
So here it is folks. What does two becoming one mean to you? Where do you draw the line if any exists at all?