When we lose someone in our lives we feel pain and sorrow. This loss can either come in form of death, quarrels or disagreements. The cause really doesn’t matter; the hurt is still the same. I lost a dear friend over a decade ago and I remember crying so much. I was particularly sad because I did not feel those whom he loved would mourn properly for him…but what do I know?
So much time has gone by and every once in a while I still think of him and now I smile, no more tears. It was a strange relationship we had because he was almost 20 years my senior and somehow we still managed a beautiful friendship not weighed down by age and air of superiority or wisdom.
This man at one point wanted to marry me and though there was really nothing romantic in our relationship *other than the fact that we loved each other to bits that is* I laughed so hard the day he told me. Why? “You are as old as my dad” I replied still laughing.
He laughed and called me a fool. “You wait and see” he said, “When you are through messing with all these little boys you will appreciate me more”.
Anyway, ours was just a comfort thing…he was a good man.
I came across a letter he wrote to me a few days ago, and it helped me understand him better. Who would have thought that in his death, I would learn of things I was so blind to have noticed when he was right there in my face. I will share a little piece of him with you, because I think that when it comes down to it; we all need to give a little more…as my friend would say, “It’s respectable and honoring to do so.”
“…My dear, I got yours a few days ago and thanks again for all the wisdom therein. It is my hope that you and all the members of your family are well.
We are doing just fine here. It would have been better if you were here in person, then this talk of ours would be far more interesting.
I can see from your letter, it seems you have grown up some…pretty darn good if you ask me. Yes I have failed to achieve so many of my goals because each time I always find myself at a minus. I have accepted my life and if possible and pleasing to him, God will continue to save me from my friends.
I could write a book but I have neither the focus or will power to. So all about me will be privy to just you sweet girl; and a few more as you. Love is strange and confusing, something I find difficult to confess. Perhaps it is because I could not with a straight face tell a woman what she wants to hear, rather than what I think she should hear.
Just like you said to me, why not marry my children’s mother?
Look at yourself now girl…you will never be a size 6 again, and neither will she…oh what women suffer! I have never been aggressive in my relationships; rather I have maintained mutual understanding and admiration…perhaps that is why you escaped from me. Love comes into the equation when you eventually decide it’s time to focus…look at you, forgive the ranting of an old man when I said you were making a mistake when you married.
Look at what being pragmatic and studious has gotten me uh? Perhaps if the kids mom had a bit of your love, who knows? There should be a degree of innocence in any relationship as you once wisely told me, remember what you said? If you know everything in a relationship; it’s a sure prescription for failure.
So in answer to your question, I have decided to continue to give a little…as in all the space, chance, opportunity and room to grow. I think that is respectful and honoring.
Now let me fill you in on the damn Republicans in this country. The nucleus of Clinton haters will be returning to the Senate soon as well as the House of Representatives; Notably Sen. Aidemato of N.Y. Gingrich has resigned as the speaker of the house and will leave congress come January.
This is great news for us Clintonites, the Republicans seem to be in disarray after the elections. One congressman remains in the hardcore group of Bill haters Bob Barr…I personally wish him all the hail he can catch. Kenneth Starr has a special masters appointed by a federal judge to investigate him after being told to show cause why he should not be held in contempt of court over his investigation of Bill Clinton. All is good on the horizon for our Bill the comeback kid indeed!
I think I have done my bit here for now…see? I’m really okay girl. You remain happy and beautiful.
P.S…I won my case and both appeals, there is too much money now but you are not here to spend it with me. My regards to your husband and take care of yourselves.”
Fills me with smiles reading these lines…he died 4 months after this letter. Speaking of Politics, see any change in the Republicans any one? Lol.