I recently had a personal crisis which put me in a really awkward position.
I suddenly realized that in all that I have come to regard as my character and make up, when it really comes to the crunch of a temptation or dilemma, my resolve seems to fly out the window. I came face to face with death, literally and somehow in my delusions it did not look dangerous at all. I can honestly tell you that I was very comfortable taking those steps, and as each step brought me closer to my end, my journey seemed even sweeter and more worth the risks.
What is it that they say again? The road to perdition is paved with good intentions. In all that I experienced, I have come out with one very crucial and emphatic fact; at least in my personal reality…I’m not as clever as I thought I was!
I came to see that the personal standards and values I put out so visibly for all to see under the pretense or assumption that this is me and what I should be judged by; was my way of carving out a cocoon to protect my pride and ego.
In a way I believe that we all do this as human beings…we arrogantly want to dictate the standards we want to be judged by, but not the real and true picture of ourselves.
Life however does find a way of bringing it all crashing down! This is exactly what happened in my case. Looking back now, I am humbled by my experience and I thank God that I did not find myself too far gone to return. Basically, I will never arrogate superiority in character to myself, however, I will hope that at any given time, I will rise above the barriers presented and hope that something bigger in me will triumph over the bad.
I have also learnt that to love and show love is completely different from kindness, charity and all else. I discovered that love is in a whole new zip code solely occupied by its self.
Love is not driving 5 hours impromptu to get a friend or relative from the airport, and having faced the horrible traffic and weather; only to get there and hear your loved one whine about how long they had to wait, or what the hell took you so long?…Well people, love and the ability to love begins right there!…your response and genuine state of mind and disposition at that moment defines if you do possess love or not.
It’s amazing how the simple things are really the one that are most difficult to master, like ignoring that silly man down the road who finds real pleasure in parking right at an angle that it’s difficult but not impossible to get out of your drive…or the one who thinks his kids are the best, but you and the entire block know for a fact that they are little devils intent on destroying the neighborhood.
The list goes on…but the fact remains that your ranting and raving will not get you anywhere. But if you are able to block them out of your mind or just behave like they don’t exist, voila! Their interest is miraculously diverted to something else.
It’s amazing how the less attention you pay to things that ordinarily would annoy you, the quicker and easier they seem to go away! I previously never quite looked at it this way; I was always not ready to suffer fools gladly. The road down perdition boulevard certainly did a thing or two to my whole thought pattern…if you ask me, I think it’s for good. I definitely feel so much calmer.